Q 1. I have been reading your questions and answers in Pakistan Link and I think your answers are always in the light of the Qur'an and Sunnah. Me being a Muslimah, I know and agree that I should marry a Muslim. I come from a Syed family where my parents (especially my father) believe that a woman from a Syed family can only marry a Syed. I really do not understand this because he believes that other "regular" Muslims as he refers to them are not given this privilege (to marry a Syed) and that Syed women are like their mothers. I am confused, I thought all Muslims were equal and I even read a Hadith that a father should not reject an acceptable suitor. I know that certain families have preferences but this is beyond that because in my family it doesn't matter what family they are from as long as he is Syed. This restriction is placed only on women (in some Syed families, the men are also restricted). Please tell me if there is such a thing and if it has any meaning. (Name withheld for privacy)
A 1. First of all, let me correct some misconceptions. Syeds or Bani Hashim who belong to the family of the Prophet -peace be upon him- are not a special or superior caste in Islam. They are not like Brahmins in Hinduism. We love and respect our Prophet and his family. So we also respect his family and we even extend this respect to all the people who belong to his family. But they have no extra privileges in Islam. They are not better Muslims simply because they are Syeds. It is not right for them to call other Muslims "regular" and consider themselves as "more" Muslims. The Syed women are not like mothers to other non-Syed Muslims. Only the wives of the Prophet -peace be upon him- are "Believers' mothers", no other women from the family of the Prophet were given this title. Also there is no prohibition in Islam for a Syed man to marry a non-Syed woman or a Syed woman to marry a non-Syed man. Islam spread in Indian subcontinent because it was egalitarian. It was against the caste system, but unfortunately Muslims soon adopted Hindu caste system and they also made their own "zat" system.
All Muslims are equal. The best among them are those who are more conscious of Allah. Allah says, "Surely the noblest of you in the sight of Allah are those who are the most pious among you." (Al-Hujurat 49:13) Thus any Muslim can marry any other Muslim male or female. The Prophet -peace be upon him- himself arranged the marriage of his cousin Zainab with his slave Zaid.
Scholars have spoken about Kifa'ah or Kufu' in marriage. The word Kufu' means equal or compatible. It is good to consider the compatibility of morals, manners, religiousness, age, education, physical looks, country of origin, race, ethnicity, family background etc. These things make marriage more successful and permanent. The more the bride and groom are of equal status, the more suitable they are for each other. But these things are only as recommendations for marriage. They are common sense rules; they are not conditions for the marriage in Islam. The only marriages that are prohibited are those that are mentioned in the Qur'an in Surah al-Nisa' 4:23 and Allah says in the following ayah, "… except for these women, all others are lawful, provided you seek them in marriage…" al-Nisa' 4:24.
Q 2. I hope you will have the time to answer the following questions. Although they seem trivial, they are creating conversation and confusion here. a) Is it disallowed for men to wear their pants below their ankles as most men do? If so, what about when they pray? Someone told a Hadith that stated that pants have to be above the ankle when praying.
Answer: It is forbidden for Muslim men to wear their pants or trousers below their ankles as a sign of arrogance. The Arabs during the time of the Prophet-peace be upon him- used to wear very long robes and shirts and used to drag them along showing their wealth and pomp. The Prophet -peace be upon him- disliked this behavior and told the men among his followers to keep their clothes above their ankles. But when Abu Bakr -may Allah be pleased with him- said to the Prophet that his pants sometime go below the ankles, the Prophet told him that you are not from amongst those who do it out of arrogance. We learn from this Hadith that what is forbidden is arrogance and not just the length of the trousers.
b) Is it according to the Sunnah to eat sweets after a meal? Is it according to the Sunnah to eat sweet on Fridays?
Answer: I am not aware of any Sunnah of eating sweets on Fridays. However, there are some Sunnahs that are known as Sunan al-Adah i.e. something that the Prophet -peace be upon him- used to do or liked as a person. If one wants to do those things out of his/her love of the Prophet, it is fine. However, one should not consider these things obligatory or recommended.
c) Must water be drunk while sitting? It is my understanding that there are different Hadith dealing with this question, some say sit, some say stand, so I think either is allowed.
Answer: It is recommended to dring water while sitting. But Prophet -peace be upon him- also drank water in the standing position. So it is not forbidden to drink water while standing. Both ways are permissible.
d) So many Pakistanis consider the feet dirty and will not sit or lie with their feet facing in the direction of anyone in the room, nor will they place their beds so their feet are facing the Qiblah. I don't know of any Islamic teaching concerning this. Is it from the Hindu culture?
Answer: One should not spread one's feet towards the Qiblah or towards other people, especially towards the elders, not because the feet are considered something dirty, but because it is considered bad manners. Islam teaches respect of the elders and also respect of the Qiblah, which is the direction of our prayers.
Q 3. In the Qur'an when it talks about you have access to your wives and your slaves that your right hand possess.... What does this mean? Some people interpret it that since they can have sexual relationship with their slaves, so therefore it is OK for them to have girl friends so long as they are supporting them. When I was having a discussion with the same group of people, it was brought up that the Prophet -peace be upon him- had a child from a mistress that was sent to him by the king of Egypt. This statement shocked me, but I'm sure you know more. (A Muslim girl)
A 3. According to the Qur'an, it was allowed to have sexual relations with "those women whom your right hands possess". This term is used in the Qur'an for women who were slaves or who came as prisoners of war and there was no way to return them to their people. Slavery existed in human societies from ancient times. However, Islam gave clear directions to Muslims to free the slaves. Islam also prohibited them from enslaving any free person. If Muslims had followed these teachings of Islam fully and faithfully, the slavery would have been eliminated long time ago. However, unfortunately, Muslims failed in eliminating this evil. Thanks to Allah, now the slavery is abolished and it is outlawed. Thus we can say that there are no "ma malakat aymanukum" now. Since Islam also prohibits enslaving a free person, Muslims are not allowed now to have any slaves, males or females. The only way possible for Muslims to have sexual relations now is through marriage and nothing beyond marriage.
It is wrong to interpret this term as "girlfriend". A girlfriend is not a slave girl. She is a free woman. Muslim men are not allowed to have girlfriends also. If any one wants to have sex with a free woman, then he must marry her first. Without marriage any sexual relationship is haram and sinful. The Prophet -peace be upon him- did not have any mistresses. This is a false accusation. It is a grave sin to speak this way about the Messenger of Allah. The Muslims who utter such statements about the Prophet -peace be upon him- should repent and ask Allah's forgiveness, otherwise their faith is in danger. Sayyidah Maria Qibitiya -may Allah be pleased with her- was a slave girl that was presented to the Prophet -peace be upon him- by Maqawqas, the Coptic Archbishop of Egypt at that time. The Prophet accepted her in his household as an honorable woman. She accepted Islam and according to some traditions he married her. According to some others traditions, she remained as "ma malakat yaminuh". However, whatever the Prophet -peace be upon him- did was with the permission of Allah. It is prohibited to use this as an example to follow now. It is neither allowed for any Muslim king or rich man to give a woman as a present, nor is it allowed for any Muslim to accept any woman as a present.